Tuesday, 6 October 2009

It's brewing.

I normally don't write about how I feel but I'm stuck in a kind of apathetic, strange, indifferent zone, where things that usually interest me, from topical industry subjects to what's for dinner, just doesn't feel so important right now.

It may be the calm before some crazy windstorm, or a reflection of the dust cloud that's passing, but everything feels shaken up. Life's coated with a veneer of shaved ice to further blur the view (without the buzz of cold, hard vodka).

I was recently reminded how we're all at our own drafting boards, sketching, shading and contouring the lives we want to live. The realization just crept up on me through various interviews, meeting and mini-trips. It seems like such a huge responsibility. What is really important? What are those things you have to compromise? What are the intersection points? Can you really do exactly what you want?

I was speaking to my sister-in-law the other day, who is in her second year of university, and I said, "it's pretty easy to get what you want if you're ready to fight, work and sweat for it, the tough part is figuring out what it is you want." And, if we're lucky enough to be evolutionary beings, those things/desires will change at different points in life.

Maybe I'm just in a transformational space. My friend Heather once told me that stress is a sign of change, and when we're not used to a new environment, it's an adaptive and natural response. It can be a good sign.

So I feel like I'm in a strange world of contrasts, layers, imbalance and incongruous arrangements. Dog-paddling in a fake wooden 1970s above-ground pool while staring at the night sky unable to identify star clusters and formations.

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